


a certain uncertainty called love

by konohashair



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/F, Forbidden Love but not really, Light Angst, Rockstar Miwa, Sad with a Happy Ending, Supermodel Alisa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27325324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/konohashair/pseuds/konohashair
Summary: Longing stares, hitched breaths, and electrified touches—none of these were absent whenever she was around, and it drove Alisa crazy.
Relationships: Haiba Alisa/Kageyama Miwa
Kudos: 8





	a certain uncertainty called love

**Author's Note:**

> a miwalisa fanfic i wrote a long time ago.

Longing stares, hitched breaths, and electrified touches—none of these were absent whenever she was around, and it drove Alisa crazy.

Up until now, she hadn't experienced love nor did she even think about it, but seeing Miwa Kageyama strum the guitar with her long, slender fingers, moving to switch chord after chord, a satisfied smirk painted on her lips with every riff she nails, beads of sweat forming on her forehead and trickling on her cheek, down to her neck. The water effects drenched her wet, outlining the bralette she wore under her blue see-through sleeveless shirt. The material stuck to her skin and accentuated her curves perfectly, making Alisa's throat turn dry.

Alisa was certain that what she's feeling isn't love; lust, perhaps? She couldn't put a name to it, but every time she sees Miwa, she can't help but feel her face flush, her heart rate rising, and she feels like she's high on a sugar rush. 

Everything is a blur and the voices are being drowned out, and it's like the world put the focus on the band's lead guitarist. 

Perfect. Utterly perfect.

The night was young. The music had just gotten louder, the room darker and the disco lights brighter and flashing everywhere on the dance floor in different colors of blue and green. Alisa, once again, found herself standing in the area near the stage where The Crows would perform once more after the intermission. 

She was certain she was raised correctly; right, prim and proper, and trained to become the perfect wife, to leave their family's company to her younger brother, and for her to venture out into the world to find a man suitable for her to marry. Why, of all people, did a girl make her heart beat like crazy?

She knows that girls getting girlfriends isn't anything new. Love is love, regardless of who they are—but Alisa was sure that, until a few months ago, she had her eyes on a certain hot bachelor who took her out on three dates already. If only her friend hadn't dragged her to this pub, she wouldn't have met Miwa, wouldn't have learned her name, wouldn't have made out with her inside the cramped bathroom of the pub, wouldn't have had her on her mind every time she closed her eyes that drove her crazy.

But what drove her even crazier is the thought of not knowing Miwa hurt. 

"You've been coming here often."

Alisa flinched upon hearing Saeko's voice out of the blue. She turned to look at the latter who, as usual, was wearing stylish, badass clothing; her usual leather jacket on top of a red tube top, paired with a leather miniskirt. Her lips painted in deep red was curled up in a smirk, as if provoking Alisa, but she simply ignored her; instead, felt small with herself and how out of place she is, wearing a long, white blouse with frills in the wrist, and a long, pleated skirt that stretched out to her ankles. She felt a blush made its way on to her cheeks; it was definitely a bad idea to mindlessly trail Miwa towards the club after a formal dinner.

"Hello? You're ignoring me?" Saeko's irritated voice brought her back to reality. She had her arms crossed, staring at Alisa with a pointed look. "Who's the lucky human who caught your eyes?"

This was enough to make her blush deeper. Profusely denying it, Alisa shook her head and stretched her hands out, waving it frantically. "N-No one! I just like the band that plays here often!" 

Her being all flustered and the fact that she stuttered wasn't much help at all, but Saeko remained quiet and snorted. She only looked at Alisa with a knowing look and shook her head, amused. _It's Kageyama, isn't it?_

She turned to look at said Kageyama; her short hair outlining her sharp jawline perfectly, her fringe held up in an apple hairstyle, and a tattoo of an indistinguishable figure on her biceps. It's not surprising at all if anyone ever falls in love with her, enchanted by her honey dripping voice, and the way her fingers glide on the guitar smoothly. Saeko, at some point, became one of the victims that had fallen under her charm. She can clearly remember those times when she'd swoon over the maiden, even going as far as forcing her way through the crowd to get as close as she possibly can towards the guitarist. It all ended with Miwa politely declining her offer to go out and get coffee, saying that she isn't The Crow's Miwa during the day and it isn't possible.

It makes her worry for Alisa, but at the same time, she also wants to see how it will all turn out in the end, as Miwa's longing gazes towards Alisa doesn't escape her eyes. In the end, they're just two fools in love and are unable to spit it out.

Saeko rolled her eyes. _Love._

She placed a hand on Alisa's shoulder, making the latter jump a little again. She giggled and said, "Well, I'll leave you alone to swoon at Miwa peacefully. Do tell when you finally get her." With that, she left Alisa, who short-circuited.

Little do they know, a piercing gaze was locked towards them, one of a beast spotting its prey; inescapable, bare fangs ready to bite, and Alisa will soon fall victim to it.

\--

 _How did I end up here?_ Alisa thought to herself, fidgeting, scared. She was sitting uncomfortably in the front seat of Miwa's car, going at an alarmingly quick speed. Alisa had to grip on her seatbelt tightly as it sped up from 120 to 140. In a trembling voice, Alisa called out softly, "M-Miwa… chan?"

The car slowed down.

"Where... are you taking me…?" Alisa asked unsurely, turning to look at Miwa slowly. She expected to see the latter with furrowed eyebrows and a sharp, piercing glare, directed towards the poor, innocent civilians, but instead, she's met with a calm and collected expression. 

It was definitely a side of Miwa that she's never seen, but then again, she barely even knows her. For the past four months, their relationship is a blur; one moment they hook up, the other they're like strangers again. They don't even see each other in bare daylight, don't even know anything about each other aside from their names, occupations, and ages, don't even have any idea how their little, extravagant secret is affecting their personal lives far worse than they thought.

It all started when Alisa got drunk in the club and Saeko just left her alone. Her drunk self being her drunk self, she started to do unbelievable things like dancing and "wilding out" on the dancefloor, which made her bump into Miwa. She can vaguely remember how the latter was eyeing her up and down while she danced ridiculously, earning her an amused chuckle from the rockstar. The memory never ceases to embarrass her, because of all people to see her, it just had to be Miwa.

But then again, if it weren't Miwa, then maybe they wouldn't have what they have right now.

"You know, I barely know you," Miwa talked suddenly, the car slowing down to a 60. Alisa peeled her eyes off her and looked straight ahead, where the midnight road shrouded in darkness and the mere lightsource is the moon and the street lamps lined up on the sidewalk. For once, the city was serene; there weren't people walking on the sidewalks, no dogs barking at strangers, and it was just her and Miwa and the silence of the world.

Alisa laughed quietly, humorlessly. "I can say the same about you," she replied in a quiet voice, barely even a whisper. 

"Tell me, Princess," Miwa hummed, the endearment sending shivers down Alisa's spine, "who exactly are you?"

"I'm Alisa Haiba," she replied curtly.

"Yeah, no shit. But… who are you, under that celebrity persona?" Miwa's hand travelled from the gear stick towards Alisa's hand, just hovering on the back of her hand. She took a glance at her hand, a ring placed around her ring finger. It made Miwa snort. "Are you cheating on your husband with me, perhaps?"

Alisa shook her head profusely. "I'm not married, Miwa. And I also have virtues," she snapped, retrieving her hand away. "Besides, I can ask the same about you. Who are you, under your badass façade?"

The car slowed down even more, until it's in a full stop. Miwa sighed, facing Alisa with a tired smile. "Guess we don't know each other well, huh?"

"I never see you in broad daylight," Alisa pointed out softly. "I… I just want to know more about you, Miwa. Is that… is that bad?" she added quietly, hanging her head low.

A smirk painted her lips with an unrecognizable emotion mixed into it. She turned away from Alisa, the headlights of passing cars and motorcycles highlighting her face. Even under the artificial light, she looked beautiful. "I don't think you want to know who I am," Miwa stated casually, starting the car again. 

Alisa remained quiet, unsure what to say, contemplated whether to let her emotions take the wheel or to construct a well-articulated response, but even before she could even decide, her eyes started to water. One tear after the other, and then the other, until her cheeks were stained with tears. She bit her lower lip to stop herself from making any sound, even going as far as completely turning her head away from Miwa (which is bound to get her a stiff neck, but all logic and reason is out of the window already).

 _It's unfair,_ Alisa thought. She was always open when she's with Miwa. She dropped her "daughter of a famous supermodel and CEO" mask, exposing herself bare. In all of her life, she can only breathe when she's with Miwa; sitting in her apartment living room, holding hands, fiddling with each other's hair, tracing hand lines, stealing kisses, and cuddling with each other until daybreak. It's unfair for the both of them to have each other only twice a week, only to pass the night peacefully, only to have someone that can help them breathe easily in this damned world. They aren't even in a relationship, to start with; they just happened to be strangers familiar with each other's scent, taste, and voice.

And sometimes, it suffocates them more thinking about their relationship. 

"I don't want you to see me, to know me when I'm… like this," Miwa spoke all of a sudden. "I'm fucked up, Alisa. I go to that club every night, escaping my problems, not even trying to solve it. I turn a blind eye because I'm… I'm a coward, and you deserve someone that can protect you, and I'm not that person!" 

Alisa's tears started to flow even harder, making her bite down on her lower lip harder, tasting blood, but even with her efforts, she let out a whimper. She shook her head furiously, denying Miwa's statements. "You're perfect. You're perfect, I love you," she repeated in between sobs. "I love you, Miwa. I love you." 

The proclamation made Miwa's eyes water. The heavy weight that's been on her shoulders for these past four months suddenly snapped, the string of tension reaching its limit, breaking into two, the motion of the rubber slapping against her chest harshly, leaving a mark. "I'm sorry." It hurts, her heart hurts, it felt like her head was slammed against a wall hard, her breathing uneven. "I'm sorry." She totally didn't deserve Alisa. "You deserve someone be—"

"Then be that someone, goddamnit!"

The car stopped abruptly, but Alisa didn't mind, not even feeling the shock. Miwa, with a wide eye and her mouth hanging open, looked at the former; more surprised that she yelled than with her statement. Alisa didn't care, anyway; she continued, "I don't… I just don't get why you're always on about not wanting me to know more about you. What? Afraid that I'll fall even harder? That I'll be blind by my love for you and elope with you?"

"No, wait—"

"Miwa, I don't even care if you're a pickle, you hear me?" Alisa said, turning to Miwa with an angry expression, puffy eyes, and red nose. She sniffled before she continued, "I still love you even if you're awkward and you're too scared to admit that you like hugs. I still love you and I want to stay with you because I don't care if I'm supposed to marry a man someday!"

After saying that, Alisa's breath became ragged. She wasn't planning on confessing, not now, not anytime soon; she was even unsure if she really does love Miwa, because what really is love?

Miwa, sitting beside her, lost the touch of confidence she always had, even off the stage, even when she's supposed to be at her most vulnerable state, even when she's supposed to be crying. The usual aura she exudes, the aura of being a superstar, dissipated into thin air. What Alisa is seeing is a splitting image of her at 16, heartbroken over her highschool senior who had graduated and who she planned to confess to but already had a girlfriend. Miwa, wearing a black shirt that hugged her perfectly with its lower half shredded up until her belly button, a pair of baggy camo pants and leather boots, had tears in her eyes, pouting and looking at Alisa like an awe, lovestruck highschooler who had just gotten her first heartbreak. It's really funny, even, being heartbroken over a love confession. The rules of the world goes that you should be "happy" or "embarrassed" when somebody confesses to you. Miwa simply doesn't follow it.

Alisa does, though. She was wearing makeup, her face caked in foundation and blush on and her lips colored with the light shade of pink to achieve a youthful look. She looked prim and proper, like the perfect girl her parents raised her to be, like what she was taught to become; like how she was also taught how to be kind to everyone she meets–there might be a business proposal after; cherish and love your partner and make them feel it's genuine–they might invest in our company; put on a smile all the time and show the word your warmth–they're bound to think and believe that the Haiba last name doesn't have a stain to it. But then, nobody taught her that it's okay to be vulnerable sometimes; nobody taught her that it was okay to love somebody else outside of the opposite sex; nobody taught her that happiness is a huge price to pay; nobody taught her that loving can be fucked up, that love is complex, that love isn't anything that she was taught about. The world, as she sees it, is the world that society has established with rules to follow, but Alisa decided that she's had enough.

She couldn't see love in front of her as someone her parents taught to her. Miwa certainly wasn't clad in a crisp suit, holding a bouquet of her favorite flowers in one hand and wine in the other. She doesn't have a fancy, shiny car that is driven by a personal driver. She doesn't own a company nor is she the heiress of said company. Love… Miwa… she doesn't look like what "love" is at all, so she had her doubts. Maybe Miwa really wasn't "love".

But maybe her parents are wrong, too. Maybe Alisa's meant to stumble upon her in a tight, dark building, the spotlight on her and the rest of her bandmates; to hear her tongue roll out the words melodiously, her voice mellow enough to make her grip on her skirt tightly; to impulsively walk up to her and introduce herself, to show herself bare and naked, without pretense and without the act; to spend every night on the hood of her car while they go to an empty parking lot and Miwa plays a song on her guitar and sings it to her; to find herself wanting to know more about Miwa, to go beyond the warmth she feels when her mouth is on hers, and know what's it like being cuddled up in her arms as the sunlight seeps through in between the slits of her curtains and they tell each other their good mornings while Alisa confesses at some point that she stares at the older girl a little too much when she performs; to just live with her happily without much care of the world as they take care of cats.

Maybe, she and Miwa were fated to meet each other all along. 

"You know, you're something else," Miwa said through tears, laughing. "Can I be honest with you?"

Alisa braced herself; she didn't like the way she said that. "Yeah."

"I've never learned how to love myself until recently," Miwa said quietly, drawing figures on Alisa's knuckles. "But sometimes, I'm even unsure if I do love myself, you know? It's like… I feel like I'm under a spell, an illusion I set up for myself, like a mantra that I should love myself and give my all."

"I don't get love at all," Miwa finally said. She looked at her hands on top of Alisa's, then at Alisa herself. A soft smile was playing on her lips. "I don't want to accept your feelings when I don't even know myself if I do love you. I know I feel… something. It's there, always has been for these past couple of months, but I'm just unsure, you know?"

"Thank you for being honest," Alisa whispered, intertwining her fingers with Miwa's. Using her thumb, she massaged the back of her hands; Miwa's rough palm mingling with her soft ones perfectly. "Don't think about my confession too much. I know it's going to be hard to take in," she spoke gently, "and I know it's even harder to know more about your feelings, but…"

Miwa hummed, urging her to go on.

"…we can meet each other in the uncertainties of it all." 

"Let's."

Alisa looked at Miwa. She caught the latter looking at her, staring with eyes full of emotions. She stared back, equalling the intensity of her gaze. Neither were ready to back down, but Alisa felt overwhelmed by Miwa's gaze. She felt lightheaded, so full of emotions just from one look. Somehow, it made her happy. They were an uncertain thing, them being together was uncertain, and them staying together for a long time was the most uncertain thing of all, but within their uncertainties lied her certainty; the certainty called Kageyama Miwa.

**Author's Note:**

> i love miwalisa, i truly do, and the thought of miwa as a rockstar was stuck in my head for quite a while. so here.
> 
> anyways, i'm writing a part two of this so if you enjoyed this, be on a look out for that one! kudos and comments are also appreciated~ 
> 
> if you wanna hmu you can follow me on twitter @tsukikageluvr !


End file.
